Welcome to My World . . . Wish You Weren’t Here

Social Distancing

Flattening the Curve

Pandemic

The Coronavirus has thrown the entire globe into a surreal existence. Anxiety, panic, and fear rule our days. This new reality is fraught with trials as family, friends, and neighbors are forced to rearrange lifestyles. We cannot gather in restaurants, bars, movie theaters, and gyms. We cannot pamper ourselves in hair salons, nail salons, or massage parlors. 

Our focus is shifted toward “social distancing” and “flattening the curve.” Concepts that were foreign just days ago are now firmly entrenched in our lexicon.

Major sporting and entertainment events are being cancelled or postponed. That’s awful but nothing compared to the millions of little ways this crisis hits home. High School Seniors will not experience rites of passage such as prom and graduation day. They will not enjoy carefree trips with their classmates – one last time before heading off to college. Will they even be able to “head off to college?” 

Engaged couples are forced to postpone ceremonies, many of which have been in planning for months. Family and friends are limited in their ability to travel to participate. Travel aside, most areas now restrict gatherings to a maximum of 3 to 10 people.

As bad as all of that is, it gets worse. Many patients now and in the coming days are dying alone as hospitals impose restrictions on visitors. Those same restrictions that make wedding receptions impossible place a heavy burden on the ability for family and friends to say their last goodbyes to loved ones.

Funeral homes are limiting the time allowed for services. The limited number of seats are spread to allow at least six feet between each one to comply with recommendations/orders for “social distancing.”

The world is in complete upheaval. The constant barrage of bad news takes its toll. We don’t know how long it will last. When it does eventually end, we cannot predict what our new “normal” will look like.

Anxiety. Fear. Panic.

Welcome to my world . . . wish you weren’t here.

For those of us whose worlds have been shattered by profound loss, this current state of turmoil doesn’t hold a candle to the personal strife we juggle on a daily basis. We already live in a post-apocalyptic world. The main difference between now and just a few weeks ago – it was easier to find toilet paper last month.

Now that you are here (and it doesn’t look like your are leaving any time soon), there is some good news. Your grief friends know the lay of the land.

We live in a silent world of extreme change. We daily battle stress invisible to the naked eye. We’ve grown accustomed to living a life that doesn’t look like the one we would have planned. We have developed some survival skills.

The key to survival in a world of extreme change and stress – maintaining mental, physical, and spiritual health.

There is a perfect storm brewing. The Coronavirus takes direct aim at weakened immune systems. Extreme stress weakens immune systems. We are currently restricted from the ways we typically reduce stress.

From someone who has been meandering around an upside-down world for a while now – here are my two keys to maintaining your sanity in these unsettling times. First, adhere to a schedule. Second, do not let “social distance” become “social isolation.”

Right after Brooke was killed, my husband and I were relocated from Louisiana to Minnesota. We were isolated and distanced from our family and friends – our support system. Though my husband had work to keep him ticking along each day – I didn’t. I had to create a routine. I cannot overestimate the life-saving power of a schedule – no matter how loosely-defined. 

When life as you know it is crashing down around you, it is so easy to bury your head under the covers only to find yourself still in bed come lunch time. 

Set an alarm. Get out of bed.

If that is the extent of your schedule – it’s a start. Over time, you can add to the schedule.

. . . Eat. 

. . . Eat. Sweep the floor (insert your own ideas here – organize a drawer/closet; exercise; update your birthday calendar; water the plants)

Keep adding day-by-day. Eventually, your routine should include activities intended to boost your mental, physical, and spiritual health. Here are a few ideas.

Mental Health: Watch what you feed your mind! Turn the news off for good chunks of the day. A twenty-four/seven diet of mayhem is not healthy for anyone. Monitor your social media time. Social Media is a great way to connect. However, like medicine, the right dose is healing; too much is toxic.

Physical Health: Watch what you feed your body! Once you’ve blown through the “apocalyptic-the-world-is-ending” snack pile, buy some apples. After you’ve soothed the soul with comfort foods, become mindful about meal choices that will keep you healthy at a time when just about any illness other than Covid-19 is being asked to take a backseat. 

Get moving! There are sooo many free workouts available on YouTube. It doesn’t matter where you are in your physical conditioning – you can find something that fits your need.

Spiritual Health: Watch what you feed your soul! Say a prayer. (They say it takes about 20 seconds to say the Lord’s Prayer. Perfect for timing all of the extra hand washing you are doing these days.) Meditate. Sit in silence watching leaves sway. Paint a picture or color pages. Rake sand. Take a bath. Like the body needs sleep to heal and rebuild; the soul needs silence. 

If you are a person of faith, do not be surprised if doubt knocks on your door. In fact, it may knock loudly and persistently. I tend to battle these things alone and here’s what I’ve learned. Don’t try to battle doubt alone. The battle can be won, but it will last longer and take more energy to win. Instead – phone a friend. Chances are they’ve been tested by doubt or they are hearing the same rap-tap-tap at their own doors. 

The second point is critical – you must avoid social isolation at all costs. Avoiding isolation may be key to maintaining health in all these areas: mental, physical (with proper distancing), and spiritual. 

You are allowed some time alone to process all that is happening. In fact, we need time to process. (I highly recommend journaling as a way to process.) With that said, we also need to process in community. Here’s where we need to get creative.

We are already seeing creativity. Bands playing concerts online. Actors and authors hosting internet story time. Artists holding virtual classes. Churches are streaming services. My nephew and his fiancé married on Facebook Live with a reception at a future date.

This is the perfect time to take advantage of modern technology. FaceTime, Zoom, FreeConferenceCall, Google Hangouts, and so many other platforms give us the opportunity to stay connected in ways that past generations were denied.

At the same time, everything old is new again. If you live in a neighborhood, pull out those soccer chairs and gather in the streets. Just keep the appropriate distance. 

Dear Father, these are unsettling times. The news is filled with stories of horror rousing anxiety and fear. Overtake this fear with your peace. The world may be upside-down, but YOU can never be upside-down. YOU are sovereign and none of this current craziness has taken YOU by surprise. Let these facts strengthen our faith. May your unfailing love ever be a beacon cutting through this pitch-black world. Let your light shine through us so those who may be lost can find a way.

Bless our leaders, medical providers, truck drivers, store clerks, restaurant workers, and others on the front line of this battle against Covid-19. Bless the individuals and their families who have contracted the virus. Let the hope of knowing that you’ve already won the war give us all comfort and strength to endure these unsettling times.

SDG

Disclaimer: I am not a physician or mental health provider. The suggestions contained herein are based on knowledge gained in the school of hard knocks.

Are You Glad You Did?

Do you remember the first time that you “adulted” Christmas? You know – that first Christmas when you carefully curated “real” gifts for everyone on your list without your parents doing the shopping (or the buying) for you. The first year that I lived on my own, I had filled my car with presents for everyone that I loved. I was so proud to have chosen something special for each one of my family members. I was so full of anticipation just imagining everyone’s reactions as they tore through the wrappings. Read more

Does Anyone Remember Me?

It’s the start of the holiday season (unless you hung your Christmas lights before Halloween, in which case you are in full swing). Families are gathering. Friends are reconnecting. News is being shared.

Not all of it is good. 

I don’t mean to be the “Debbie Downer” to your holiday season. It’s just that yesterday brought news of another young life lost. Another family is shattered and forever altered. And we know that others are facing difficult news during what is “supposed” to be the happiest time of the year. Families won’t be able to put food on the table because ends just don’t meet. Other families – particularly those dealing with California’s wildfires – won’t be able to put food on the table because there is no table. Families in Florida are still sifting through the debris of Hurricane Michael wondering where their table has floated off to and more poignantly – does anyone remember us?

That is the big question we all ask when we are facing our worst days. 

Does anyone remember me?

Read more

Chaotic Musings: Holiday Edition

Chaos is a funny thing. Sometimes it overwhelms me. The cacophony consumes me. Other times, it swirls about me perfectly choreographed so that it comes ever close but never actually touches me. Like a Square Dance caller who yells “Swing Left” at the precise moment when “swing right” would have all the madness crash into me.

(Don’t tell me you didn’t Square Dance in junior high. It’s an American right of passage. Or at least, I thought.) Read more

Prickly Prayers

Have you ever been faced with a scary or confusing situation and didn’t have the words to deal with it? There was one evening when the girls were very young that their Mimi babysat. When I picked them up to go home, I noticed that the television was set to The Exorcist. Shame on me for not asking the girls how they felt about what they might have seen, but kudos to Megan who at the wise-old age of four had the courage to open up the conversation. Her simple question exposed her confusion and fright, “Mommy, do devils eat little girls?” My response came too quickly to have been my own, as I blurted, “Not if you have Jesus in your heart.” That evening, we modified the words of our bedtime prayer from “deliver us from evil” to “deliver us from the devil.” Read more

Here Comes the Rain Again . . .

Raise your hand if you played in the rain as a kid? We did – all the time. In fact, my parents encouraged it. Can’t say whether it was the allure of not having to bother with bath time at the end of the day or the fact that it was cheaper than a “slip-n-slide” that made kicking us out the door so appealing. Or, maybe, it’s just the way they did things back then.

The last time that I recall voluntarily heading out into the rain was the summer between my junior and senior year of high school. It was one of those soft, southern rains that sprout up on summer afternoons. No pomp and circumstance of thunder and lightning. No cold front to steal the warm air. I can’t recall what we talked about, but I can remember strolling around the neighborhood and splashing through puddles with my daddy.

Despite it’s questionable PR campaign, I love the sights, sounds, and smells of summer storms. The flash of lightning against an inky sky. A crack of thunder just a little louder than anticipated. Read more

Coping with Life’s Labor Pains

Time is such a funny thing. Not sure about you, but I couldn’t wait for time when I was younger. I wanted to do everything before its time.

Then time speeds up. Where’d it go? We find ways to turn back the hands of time. How can we get it back? There’s not enough of it.

There is one phase of adulthood when time shifts – when you have children of your own. Read more